Okay, I give up. I can't keep mixing any longer on my employers dime. Here's what I came up with. I set a few extra limits on myself, so please be understanding with your comments. This was mixed on a work computer using whatever sound card it has. I've never used the DAW software before (it runs off of a flash drive). All plug-in's are freeware.
The monitors are these cheapy headphones I got with a CD player I bought 10years ago. If you've got actual speakers let me know how the bottom end came out! I think I like Brents mix better (based on the crappy headphones). He demonstrated the arrangment problems with the song and came up with creative solutions (plus he tuned the vocal). I, on the other hand just brutally hacked whole sections out, and mercilessly killed tracks, just to make it end sooner. I might have done better if I'd added some parts, but I don't think that would have gone over too well with my co-workers. Anyway, thanks for the challenge, it's fun to see what everyone comes up with. If nothing else I've got a better handle on the new DAW.

Cheers,
Peter